What is Fear of Intimacy:
(according to Kati Morton, a professional therapist)
Fear of intimacy can manifest as a fear of sexual closeness or emotional intimacy. It might also look like struggling to share our thoughts and feelings, hesitating to let people know who we really are, or having trouble trusting others. In general, it’s the fear of letting people get close to us, whatever we define as “close.”
When we struggle with intimacy, we might find ourselves sabotaging our current relationships or isolating ourselves from new ones, even though we crave closeness or new connections.
5 Ways to Overcome Fear of Intimacy
1) Understand Where the Fear is Coming From
- Common reasons include childhood abuse or neglect, shame, fear of rejection, low self-esteem, and perfectionism.
- Understanding these reasons can help you pinpoint the root cause and seek help as soon as possible.
2) Get to Know Yourself
Take time to listen to your wants and needs. If you were dating yourself, what would you want to do? If you don’t know what you want, how can you expect your partner to?
3) Watch Your Self-Talk
The conversation we have with ourselves is powerful. Pay attention to what you say to yourself about your relationships and how others perceive you. Stop self-sabotaging thoughts and build a more positive internal space.
4) Understand Your Level of Comfort
What are you comfortable with people knowing about you? Consider the different levels of relationships—friendships, colleagues, family, spouse—and figure out how much you want each of these layers to know about you. Determine how much you can let people in while still feeling okay with them.
5) Inner Child Work
Spend time listening to and healing the issues from your past that contribute to your current intimacy challenges. You could talk to a therapist or close friends about this, or even write letters to yourself addressing those issues.
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