5 Love Languages
1) Acts of service
If your partner believes that actions always speak louder than words, acts of service is their love language. This includes doing selfless, thoughtful things for your partner. These don’t need to be romantic in nature; friends and family relationships can benefit from these acts too.
Associated with being selfless, displaying thoughtful acts that make a person’s life easier
Healthy vs unhealthy: “I moved your car so you wouldn’t get fined.” vs “If you loved me, you would move my car so I don’t get fined.”
2) Physical touch
Consensual physical touch, expressing and receiving love through physical contact. Touch is the way these lovers connect and feel connected with others.
Associated with making connections through appropriate physical touch (nonsexual or sexual)
Healthy vs unhealthy: “I want to hold hands.” vs “Prove to me your love by holding my hand.”
3) Quality time
About appreciating spending quality time together. Someone whose love language is quality time appreciates when people they care about make an effort to spend time together with their undivided attention.
Healthy vs unhealthy: “I love spending time with you.” vs “Cancel you plans to hang out with your friends so we can be together alone and I want to spend time with you.”
4) Receiving gifts
This isn’t about material wants. It’s more about the meaning behind the gift and the thought and effort that went into it – not the dollars.
Think of gifts which bear some meaning to the recipient or signify a specific time or phase in the relationship.
Healthy vs unhealthy: “Do you remember the time we were in….. and you were staring at this?” vs “I spent 2 months of my salary on this gift for you.”
5) Words of affirmation
Expressing affection and appreciation in the form of words – spoken, written, in texts.
Everyone appreciates an occasional word of encouragement or thanks for some act which they thought would have gone unnoticed.
Healthy vs unhealthy: “You look amazing in that dress.” vs “Are you sure you wanna wear that? Just asking”
Benefits of loving someone based on their love language
- Promotes selflessness – focus on others’ needs rather than your own
- Builds empathy – understanding your partner’s perspective in love helps you take a step out of yourself for a moment and take a look at what love is to others
- Helps to maintain intimacy – learn more about each other and connect at a deeper and more intimate level
- Personal growth – forces you to love outside of your comfort zone where you can grow and change
- Share love in meaningful ways – the things done for each other become more meaningful; saying “I love you” in other ways without saying it
Ways to love your partner based on their love language
1) Acts of service
- Show some chivalry: Helping out with chores or just physically helping even when they can cope can make them feel loved
- Don’t neglect the little things: Small acts of service that makes someone’s life easier is always appreciated.
2) Physical touch
- Give lots of hugs: Provide lots of physical affection as they are reassured by touch
- Focus on non-sexual touches: Random non-sexual touches which are protective in nature – cupping the small back while crossing the road
3) Quality time
- Save time for discussions: Your partner likes doing activities with you and then talking about those experiences afterwards
- Listen to what they have to say: Be an attentive and active listener – maintaining eye contact shows interest.
- Give your partner your undivided attention: Separate your work life from your home life when you’re with your significant other – staying off your email and limiting how much you talk about work
4) Receiving gifts
- Give small things often: Your partner would want to receive small gifts more often rather than a rare large gift
- Be thoughtful: Your partner values the thoughtfulness behind a gift – give your partner an item that shows you understand them or that is symbolic of a shared memory or event
- Make it pretty: Put effort into the presentation of the gift
5) Words of affirmation
- Tell, don’t show: Your partner responds to words better than actions
- Communicate often: Text your partner during the day when you have to be apart
- Keep it simple: If your partner responds to words of affirmation, it’s often best to keep it simple and to the point.
